Were you ever told obvious myths as a child, myths delivered by an authority figure with the intent to alter your current behavior? The one that we've all heard is "if you keep twisting your face up like that it's going to stay that way." Is there anyone who can produce a documented story of a child poking out their eye as a result of running with scissors? Heard that one. "If you don't quit fighting with your brother Santa's not going to bring you any presents (this didn't come from my parents by the way; so it failed to bring about desirable results)!" Early to bed, early to rise, make a man health, wealthy, and wise. Yeah, right.
I found myself using the "poke out the eye" warning the other day, as Trey ran through the house with a fork in his hand (don't ask). He gave me a puzzled look, then said, "oh" and put the fork on the counter. I'm currently creating my own weird combinations of plausible outcomes:
If you don't eat your chicken, your spine will turn to rubber.
Listening to Celine Dion music leads to immorality.
Assembling 500-piece puzzles increases a person's ability to understand technology.
A pretzel a day keeps the orthodontist away.
Preface them by saying to children and underlings, "I've heard that..."
Sorry, I was just in a weird mood tonight. This topic slightly reminds me of my grandmother's insistence that the Russians control our weather. They do this by beaming satellite rays (no, I can't define what a satellite ray is) into the heavens. Our tornadoes, hurricanes, and earthquakes are related to the Communists quest for world-wide domination. Maybe she's onto something. Besides, Steward McBurney said so...
And, no, mom, people can't look at you through your computer monitor.
I'm going to die for that one.
