Were you ever told obvious myths as a child, myths delivered by an authority figure with the intent to alter your current behavior? The one that we've all heard is "if you keep twisting your face up like that it's going to stay that way." Is there anyone who can produce a documented story of a child poking out their eye as a result of running with scissors? Heard that one. "If you don't quit fighting with your brother Santa's not going to bring you any presents (this didn't come from my parents by the way; so it failed to bring about desirable results)!" Early to bed, early to rise, make a man health, wealthy, and wise. Yeah, right.
I found myself using the "poke out the eye" warning the other day, as Trey ran through the house with a fork in his hand (don't ask). He gave me a puzzled look, then said, "oh" and put the fork on the counter. I'm currently creating my own weird combinations of plausible outcomes:
If you don't eat your chicken, your spine will turn to rubber.
Listening to Celine Dion music leads to immorality.
Assembling 500-piece puzzles increases a person's ability to understand technology.
A pretzel a day keeps the orthodontist away.
Preface them by saying to children and underlings, "I've heard that..."
Sorry, I was just in a weird mood tonight. This topic slightly reminds me of my grandmother's insistence that the Russians control our weather. They do this by beaming satellite rays (no, I can't define what a satellite ray is) into the heavens. Our tornadoes, hurricanes, and earthquakes are related to the Communists quest for world-wide domination. Maybe she's onto something. Besides, Steward McBurney said so...
And, no, mom, people can't look at you through your computer monitor.
I'm going to die for that one.
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5 comments:
Ha, Ha! I know exactly what you're saying. When I hear my boys say to each other, "If he has a wreck, he's going to crack his head open like an egg because he's not wearing his helmet!" I know I've gone too far.
Now as for the running with a fork and poking your eye out...I do recall a day when Alex was not yet 2 that I sat with him in the ER beacuse he had stabbed himself in the eye with a fork. However he was not running; he was sitting in his highchair eating. Guess his cooridnation lacked a little something. But he was good at harming people with his fork. Both Christine and I were victims of his fork stabs!
Most importantly - always remember what my Grandma Ruby went to her grave saying - "if you go outside on a cold day with wet hair you'll get a cold." No amount of medical science saying the opposite could change her mind. But Keith, with the amount of hair you have, you"ll be safe either way!
And people think I am a nice person....:-) Guess?
i'm going to start saying the one about celine deon to people! that's pretty hilarious! only you would think of that.
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::::Happy Thanksgiving!!!
That is hilarious! I find myself saying stuff like that. That's when I feel old!
Please don't tell me your mom really asked about someone seeing her through the monitor! :-) I love that! That's almost as bad as my grandma hearing about someone dying of a virus and thinking he caught it from his computer! (No joke!) We cannot get that out of her head!
Jody Johnson
Well, it might not be that far fetched about the fork. I remember as a little girl seeing a pretty girl (from the Pilgrim Holiness Church several miles away from us) who had a glass eye because she and her brother were playing with a scissors and somehow the scissors got in the eye of the girl and she lost her eye. So I tried to be EXTRA careful about letting MY girls play with scissors. Losing an eye is a non-remedial situation.
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